New Blog

For anyone who still checks this blog, I have a new one--completely different and worth your time visiting.

http://muteswandesigns.blogspot.com/

Enjoy!

Year out

It has been a year and two days since my first post. My goal was to blog a year and see what I thought. I think I gave it an honest attempt. I don't really like it. I'm still no good at it. I'm done.

Will continue reading though. Keep up the good work!

Without good reason

I'm tired. And, I'm dutifully writing this because November is almost over. I like reading other people's blogs. I doubt that anyone reads mine. I have to be okay with this because I can't do anything about it. I have no motivation to write other than my legalistic nature that would shame me if I missed a month or failed to complete my year of blogging. Pretty stupid reason. I think I am retiring from blogging until I can come up with a better reason to do so. I am solely a blog reader. For now.

Mourning 24

I don't really want to write about my birthday. It seems very ego-centric and, yet, uninteresting. I really just needed an excuse to a) post something, and b) get out of cleaning/paperwork.

Life over the past month has been breezy, normal, and comfortable. Of course the arrival of birthday month changes everything.

I have a love-hate relationship with October. I love it because it is my birthday, and Jon's, and because of the beauty that is Fall. I hate it because it is my birthday, the days get shorter, and winter blows in much too quickly.

I think I've always had mixed emotions when it comes to celebrating the day I was born. This probably comes from being an only-child and from having parents who have been divorced for every birthday I can remember. These two things perpetuate the love-hate relationship.

Being an only-child means lots of presents and emphasis on me, which is great to an extent, but after the party is over, I'm left with a longing for more. It is never enough and so it has fostered my selfishness, as well as my acute awareness of my mortality. I definitely don't like getting older, and the bigger the celebration the more aware I am that getting older is happening and happens quickly. Additionally, having divorced parents in one sense has left me with double the parties and presents (again, adding to my conceit). But, it also means splitting/sharing time for celebrations, the guilt of choosing only one parent to spend my "actual" birthday with, and the underlying and not-so-discrete competition between my parents to provide the best gift/party/fun-quotient.

So, this year, birthday month came with beautiful weather, a fabulous U2 concert, and sweet gifts and words from friends and family. It also comes with many "quarter-of-a century" comments, my parents continuing to try to out-do each other, me figuring out how to divide my time on my big day, and my wrestling with selfish thoughts of "how many Facebook shout-outs will I get tomorrow?" and "why can't I get new ASICS, new TOMS, and new clothes from Ann Taylor LOFT?"

I also have a husband who is so chill I sometimes think he could forget his own birthday (which would be sad) and mine (which would be heartbreaking). I find myself planning my own birthday dinner with him, down to the table linens and flowers, because I know I would be disappointed if he forgot one detail. I pick out my own gifts, ask him to throw something in there to surprise me, and then pray it's something I actually will like.

So, what's the solution? My birthday will keep coming (and every year will come more quickly). I will continue to have two birthday celebrations, one with each parent. I will always have a husband who is 100x less anal than me.

On the eve of my 25th birthday, I come to the same conclusion that I have been for the past 15+ years: I will appreciate every moment of kindness, every gift, every card. I will take in the day as slowly as possible, finding joy in the anticipation and not just the event. And, I will know that beauty, wisdom, and fulfillment come in the growing, aging, maturing, and seeking.

I have loved 24, although this time last year I was dreading it. I will choose now to love 25. I will choose now to work on my selfish nature. I will choose now to base my worth on Christ's love for me and not on how many gifts I get or how many people tell me "Happy Birthday" tomorrow.

Bring it.



--Addendum: I realize a few hours after posting this that I have made my parents out to be extremely materialistic and selfish. This representation of them probably stems from my own self-loathing. I would like to clarify that they are both very gracious and generous people who feel the pressure to please their only child and who have had to share and cooperate with each other amidst a tumultuous relationship, reopening wounds I'm sure they wish they could close for good.

Charlottesville Women's 4 Miler

I did it! After 12 weeks of training, I successfully completed my longest foot race, thus far. I ran 4 miles in 38 minutes coming in 736 out of 3,300! It was an incredible experience, and I can't wait to do it again!! Thanks to all my fans for your support!

Here I come across the finish line:

Me and my beautiful momma:

Me and my biggest fan!

Cruise!

We are home from our week-long cruise to the Western Caribbean. It was beautiful!

I have decided that I am not a "cruise person," however I can say that I wholeheartedly enjoyed a week of having three course dinners prepared for me, my room cleaned and bed made for me, and gorgeous sun and clear, blue waters.

Our four ports of call were Cozumel Mexico, Belize City Belize, Costa Maya Mexico, and Nassau Bahamas. Belize and Bahamas were definitely my favorites. We did tons of shopping, snorkeling, visited ancient Mayan ruins, and relaxed on the ship.

Best ship moments were winning the on-board volleyball tournament, learning all the moves to Michael Jackson's Thriller, hanging out at the casino learning craps, and choreographing a synchronized swimming routine with the cousins in the pool.

No seasickness (although I did catch a mean cold) and I didn't gain a pound (although I ate a ton)!

So good to be with family (all 20 of us) and what a way to remember Grandpa Terry, who passed away in September. He left this trip as a gift to the family. He is missed and dearly loved.

Here are a few favorite pics:


On the ship


Beautiful starfish I found while snorkeling in Belize


JT and me at a Mayan ruin in Costa Maya


The Costa Maya port


Cousins and the beautiful Bahama beach

Three Years

On Wednesday, Jon and I celebrated our third wedding anniversary!!

These past three years have flown by! It's hard to believe that we have now almost been married longer than we dated. I remember the days when I thought this boy was never going to propose...and now here we are! Marriage has been an incredibly beautiful and incredibly challenging adventure. It's amazing how all my preconceived notions about romance, sex, wife-hood, and life-partnership have been challenged, reconstructed, and, in some cases, totally thrown out the window. But, one of the most amazing things I have discovered through my union with Jon is how selfish and bratty I am and what daily repentance, forgiveness, mercy, grace, and servitude look like. Marriage is truly a testament to God's goodness and, when approached with thoughtfulness and respect, an image of the relationship to come with our Father in Heaven. I feel that now, unlike any other time in my life, I can see the purpose for the trials I have faced, the flaws in my character and attitude, and the favor and adoration the Father has for me. Through Jon's love, devotion, patience, strength, service, and leadership, I believe I have a much clearer picture of Christ, his love for me, and the gift of redemption.

My utmost gratitude and love go out to all those who have supported our relationship, both before and after marriage, especially our incredible parents, grandparents, and Jon's brothers. We have been truly blessed with kind and generous families, as well as amazing friends who astound us with their love.

I plan to post some pics from our anniversary date to the Boar's Head (our wedding reception location) once my pics are uploaded, but until then here are some wedding favorites.